you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
