I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
