Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
