You made me cry and you don't even care
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
