dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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