And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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