Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
