i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
