Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
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