apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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