Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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