I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish you could order shots online.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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