just come out here and I will go home with you...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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