are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
