When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
