there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
