I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
