She is in my trunk
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
