So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
