tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I had to cum in my sink.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
