i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
