Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
