In the future we'll all be gay
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
