im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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