You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize