i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
