I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
