Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
