My nipple is on Facebook.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
