You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
