My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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