guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
