textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize