Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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