just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
