these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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