I cannot find my penis.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
