no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
