i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
