my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
