Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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