I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
