Don't you send me to vm
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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