Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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