it was like his penis was on wheels.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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