he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
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