A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.