My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.