Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms

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  (443): the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms http://tfl.nu/2y09
  Replies (22) Good night (4759) Bad night (1133)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.

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  (434): Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad. http://tfl.nu/ab13
  Replies (41) Good night (982) Bad night (3610)
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  (914): View more from New York

  How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?

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  (914): How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German? http://tfl.nu/tyh7
  Replies (27) Good night (1227) Bad night (5411)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee

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  (225): Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee http://tfl.nu/zf15
  Replies (29) Good night (6051) Bad night (1396)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.

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  (847): 2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck. http://tfl.nu/qowh
  Replies (8) Good night (7025) Bad night (969)
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  (845): View more from New York

  So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.

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  (845): So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation. http://tfl.nu/fvna
  Replies (21) Good night (10113) Bad night (1476)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.

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  (780): I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop. http://tfl.nu/zx6t
  Replies (31) Good night (5684) Bad night (1173)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.

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  (575): I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm. http://tfl.nu/2mds
  Replies (8) Good night (1563) Bad night (1515)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.

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  (413): I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR. http://tfl.nu/5elj
  Replies (16) Good night (3067) Bad night (919)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck

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  (240): did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck http://tfl.nu/lph9
  Replies (7) Good night (1003) Bad night (943)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.

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  (678): I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success. http://tfl.nu/rhn6
  Replies (4) Good night (1488) Bad night (482)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?

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  (410): Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel? http://tfl.nu/uv9o
  Replies (7) Good night (646) Bad night (389)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits

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  (775): He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits http://tfl.nu/c5ul
  Replies (4) Good night (871) Bad night (620)
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  (408): View more from California

  stoners and superglue do NOT mix

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  (408): stoners and superglue do NOT mix http://tfl.nu/84du
  Replies (4) Good night (378) Bad night (485)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.

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  (703): Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra. http://tfl.nu/n1u2
  Replies (0) Good night (181) Bad night (57)

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