Nicole vs. Life
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
he just fucked me for my cheese.