After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic