I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.