Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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