she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
