I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
