Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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