We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
