You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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