Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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