Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
