An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
