It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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