What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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