Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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