dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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