Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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