Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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