Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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