Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
